Journal
Things I find myself saying
Nine pieces, written out properly, on the ideas I end up explaining most weeks.
I write these because I say the same handful of things over and over, and saying them in a room once is not the same as having them somewhere a man can read them at eleven at night before he decides whether to call anybody.
None of this is new clinical material. It is the plain version of what the work actually sounds like: the buffalo, the 40 percent rule, finite and infinite games, what courage requires, why the waiting happens. If you read one of these and something in it is uncomfortably accurate, that is the useful part. Start there.
Essays
The buffalo and the storm
Cattle run away from weather and stay inside it longer; buffalo turn and run straight at it, and that is the whole practice in one animal.
The 40 percent rule
When you tell yourself you are done, you are at about 40 percent, and the sentence that says otherwise is a thought you are allowed to examine.
Finite and infinite games in marriage
A finite game ends with a winner and a loser, and most couples argue like the marriage is one.
Courage only grows where fear is
Fear shows up any time you move from something you know to something you do not, so its presence is not evidence you chose wrong.
What the first session is actually like
It is mostly rapport and fit, not intake paperwork, and finding out we are a bad fit is a good outcome.
Why men wait until it is bad
The delay is not stupidity or stubbornness; it is a competent man protecting something, and it is worth naming what.
How to tell your wife you are going to therapy
There is a sentence that works, and there are two reactions men are unprepared for, and one of them is enthusiasm.
Competent action and the male identity
Male identity is derived from competent action, which is exactly why "just talk about your feelings" lands so badly.
You get out what you put in
Two rules of thumb about how long this takes, and why I will not give you a session count.