Tim Loves His Wife
Tim is talented. He works with iron and makes incredible things. Works of art really.
He is a man’s man. Rugged, handsome and nice.
No one would ever know that his deepest longing is to be adored by his wife. He doesn’t totally understand it. He thinks something is wrong with him. That he shouldn’t want more than anything for her to be crazy about him. That it somehow makes him less of a man.
His friends bag on their wives and check out other women. But not Tim. He married the love of his life and he adores her. Maybe too much. So much that he is scared to death to be honest with her. He’s scared to say to her, “I want you to be crazy about me!”
But what can Tim do about these uncomfortable feelings he’s experiencing?
He’s scared to say, I want you to be crazy about me! on the one hand is that even okay to want that? is that just being selfish? On the other hand it feels like saying, hey honey I want you to buy me flowers! oh look! you bought me the flowers I asked for….gee, thanks. Or is he just being pathetic and needs to man up and deny these silly feelings?
Thoreau said, “most men live lives of quiet desperation.” sometimes that desperation isn’t so quiet…sometimes it becomes deafening.
Love has become an over used almost watered down concept. This is beautifully articulated by the band Snow Patrol when they say, “these three words are said to much and not enough.” Exactly…
The most provocative definition of love that I have heard is the desire to be desired. That’s it isn’t. The desire to be desired. The voice of our quiet desperation. Love may not seem like it requires courage, but the truth is that it requires the most. There is nothing more terrifying than admitting I desire to be desired, will you desire me? As men, we long to be desired and try to deny it. We work, we drink, we exercise, we cheer and bump chest, we buy and none of it silences our quiet desperation, our desire to be desired.
Courage can only exist where fear is present.
It is our longing to be desired! Let’s go to work on getting it!
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